she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
