Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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