my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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