you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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