Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
