i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
