It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
