You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
