i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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