I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
