Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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