Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
