ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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