I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
