I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
