CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?