Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist