Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
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You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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Holy sore nipples Batman
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms