so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
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No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
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I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest