You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
