Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
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Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant