no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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