I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
