pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
