he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
