I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
