you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
