dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When did we convert life to cartoon?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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