i already hear my dad disowning me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
