You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
