New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
