I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
