how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
