Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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