WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
