It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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