she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need water and some morals
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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