i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
