Can Purell be used as lube?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
