Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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