If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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