not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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