Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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