I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
