She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I didn't notice because vodka
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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