The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This is my gift to your gina
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
