Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
