I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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