$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
