dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
