i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
