I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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