You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
