Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
