I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
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No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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