you would pick up someone in the library
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just forgot I was standing up.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
