the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
