actually, I'm a sock model
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We're too hungover to prance.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
