so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
