I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
