Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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