She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I understand Curling. That high.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
