I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize