yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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