dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
