Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
