i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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