He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
