okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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