yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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